I don't know how many times I've written about sizes and shapes. I don't know how many times I've been actually down on myself and feeling quite hypocritical.
They say never judge a book by it's cover, beauty comes within, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and while I try to hold onto those things, I am human. We don't always look for that personality or the smarts...We look for the face. What is in a face? What is in a body? What changes peoples perspective on ones appearance?
I always like to give my husband a lot of heck. He's said he has always loved my face, he's always had a thing for faces and he has always thought it was beautiful. I always ask him, what about my body? When I first met him officially, I had lost a lot of weight from being pregnant with the twins. After that I had gradually gained A LOT of weight while being depressed and everything. During that time he had said "Shes pretty, too bad shes fat." He denies it, and while I don't know if the source is reliable, I don't doubt it.
What has made him change his mind now? Love? Does love cure all human thought? Why would it be too bad that I was fat? I am still the same person then as I was now. I still care about people, I still enjoy the same things...before I became pregnant(this time) I had lost at least 50 lbs or more. Could that be it? What if I am as big as the goodyear blimp by the time I am finished with my pregnancy, will that make a difference? These are questions I like to ask myself frequently about the way I look. It's quite sad actually, because like I said previously. I will still be the same. I will have not changed my personality.
I want to teach the boys & Miley things that I have tried and still try to teach myself. No matter what race, gender, sexual orientation, or size....People are people and everyone deserves a chance for friendship. If you see that chubby girl sitting by herself at the dance, offer a dance, EVEN if it means you could be made fun of. Chances are-everyone will have forgotten it by tomorrow and you just made that one girls day. Or boys, for that matter. These are things I wish I would've remembered on my lowest of low days especially as a teenager-starving to be perfect. I ended up screwing not only my mind up but my metabolism and as an adult I am paying for it. I know many other people that are starving to be perfect-and because of that-they are not only going to pay for it health wise...Their faces are looking older & the glow has gone from them...All they have is their body, and a sad spirit.
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