Rest In Peace, Grandpa.

Yesterday my Grandpa finally passed away. I hate to say the words "finally" but it has been a long painful road for not only him but my Grandma and well, us family too. He had his high ups and low downs, and for the past couple years it's been pretty much downs. So as I breath a sigh of relief I am still quite sad on the inside.

There are so many emotions that my husband and I are specifically going through. John got to know my Grandfather very well and learned to love him very much. Grandpa enjoyed the fact that J would come out to fish in the pond and show him. He was very proud of where he resided and J put that pond to good use. Me, myself, I cried when I had heard out and the only words I could use to describe how I was feeling is "This effing sucks!" Other than that I have kept a cool head and tried to stay strong not only for our kids but for my Mom and Grandma too.

As you all could imagine they are a wreck. Death is never easy like I have said before...Even if it doesn't come as a surprise.

Today Mom, Grandma, J, and myself went to the funeral home to make arrangements. The bare minimum funeral is close to 7,000 dollars. Yes, 7,000 dollars....and before you ask....No he did not have life insurance. Usually you would think no big deal, you can pay everything off with time see what money you can come up with to pay off funeral costs. Well Mr. Funeral man informed us today that we have to come up with half (preferably all) of funeral costs by Thursday, the day before the funeral. Excuse me Mr. Funeral Man just let me and my family pull 3,000 some odd dollars out my butt for you....


I am stressed to no end right now. I feel like it's my obligation to make sure that my Grandpa has a proper burial and the only money I can seem to come up with is $500.00....As terrible and selfish as this may sound if he had died a week earlier I could have had a grand to give. But, as I was no anticipating his death so soon (but I obviously was anticipating his death) and I also was not anticipating to have to come up with half of the costs...I do not have that 1k to give.

I am trying to wrap my mind around what to do or how to do it. My now widowed, broke, emotionally and physically exhausted Grandma has to come up with so much money to be able to give something my VETERAN Grandpa deserves....and....Well....It is what it is. We are broke. What to do what to do....Grieve that we are broke...Grieve that we don't have the effing money...??? So on and so forth.....

I don't even have anything else to write anymore. I had so many things I wanted to say about my wonderful Grandpa who raised me...But this funeral has stripped me from any joyous things I could possibly think of. When all said and done(you know, done feeling like I want to blow up the funeral home) I can write more about my Grandpa. The only worthy Father figure I had growing up. The man who would give me his last dollar for something so stupid. The man who could make me smile no matter what.......May he Rest In Peace...and may we figure something out.