How was your weekend? Mine could've been better!

This thanksgiving weekend we were able to surround ourselves with our closest family and have a pretty good time. I drug J out to watch HP & the deathly hallows. So you know, I have had him watch every single movie before that and he hated almost every single one of them, except for these last two. Haha! BUT! While we were watching the movie he had said he may be inspired to read all of the books. We will see about that! I'm the book worm around here but maybe after the room is finished I can get all of the books rounded up =-)

Anyway, the only reason why I think our weekend could've been better is because I really missed the kids a lot. Patrick took the kids on Wednesday (as it is his visiting night) and they have been there since then. I get them back tonight. We actually get all of the kids back tonight! Stoked...Totally.

50 things I am thankful for

1) All 5 (almost 6) of our children!
2)Husband..The best!
3)The house we own!
4)Food in our fridge
5)My Mom
6)My Dad & Step-Mom
7)My Siblings
8)The rest of my family..That goes for my side and J's side!
9)My JOB
10)My POS car
11)The friends who have stayed true to me!
12)My camera
13)Spell Check (seriously!)
14) Pickles
15)Cartoons that keep the kids semi-busy
16)Family nights
17)The Oceans (the one I saw was soooo beautiful while I was in Oregon!)
18)MUSIC
19)My wit
20)Being able to laugh things off
21)Facebook (I know right?!)
22)Ugg boots(aka feet clouds)
23)The first present J ever made me.."I will always love you" bracelet
24)My childrens laughter
25)The Non-Kill Animal shelteres
26)Chicago..had so much fun there
27)Movies
28)Good books
29)Poems
30) Our president
31)Teachers
32)Chinese food(Joy Garden FTW)
33)The lazers that blast my kidney stones when they wont pass themselves
34) ALL doctors
35)Art
36)Our troops who have served and are still serving!
37)Big fluffy blankets
38)Sex with my husband
39)Being me
40)Blogger
41)Tattoos
42)Freedom of religion
43)Freedom of speech
44)My cell phone
45)Having Cash monaaaay
46)Having HEAT
47)Wild life
48)BUGS/pests...They keep me with a job :)
49)Water
50) The ability to come up with 50 things I am thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving!

A year.

It's been a year since J and I had started our friendship. I really didn't expect it to ever go as far as it has (marriage?! having a baby?!) but it has & I am happier than I have ever been. So I guess I could say our friendship started a little over a year ago and it became something more with time.

It started out that he had heard I had been struggling and had been hurt by 2 people that I cared about deeply. My world was falling apart and he was there to pick up the pieces. He, in all honesty, was the last person that I would ever think to be there when I fell. I was a fed a lot of lies & trying to be a good friend & so in return he and I had our very aggressive spats.

What made me reflect on this is it's not only been a little over a year since we started being friends but the other night we were sleeping and we both came out of our slumber at around 1am and talked amongst other things until 3am. It was just beautiful! We have not done that in months. We have had to transition from being depressed and alone with our children to living under one roof & having many children. It puts a lot of stress on a relationship. But we have never quit and never really wanted to quit! It was so nice to just sit up and talk like we once did and kind of re-kindle that "new love" that was always there but was maybe forgotten because of the stresses of life.


As a lot of you know we have a new baby on the way and we are making room for him & our other children! John has been working his butt off for months now to make a new living room for us so we can make the living room we have now, into 2 bedrooms...Giving us enough space for all of our little brats. But the one thing that he had said the night before last when we were up and talking...Was that he wants to paint and carpet the room and not allow me to go in until it's finished..So I can see what he has done because he has been trying so hard to impress me. If you could see what this attached garage looked like and what it has been transformed in to you would understand why I am SO proud of what he has accomplished thus far! Not to mention a year later he is still trying to impress me. I have a feeling years on that he will still try to impress me. That is why I am glad through everything we have both been through we have found our true love. No one can break us down with any comments that they say about myself or him & no one can tear us apart no matter how hard they may try.

'tis the season.......to be broke.

Remember when you were young? Some of you have to look back...waaaaay back into the past and remember! (hehe)... I can always remember having a pretty good Christmas when I was young. Under the age of 10 is around where I'm thinking. Thanksgiving was about turkey and pilgrims and giving thanks for your family! Christmas was about church plays, Jesus and GIFTS!

Now to me Thanksgiving is about having to go to 5 different houses and stuffing myself with things I might not like to be polite. Christmas is about spending money that I probably don't really have on gifts that the kids just HAVE TO HAVE and will probably forget about in 2 weeks. Isn't it sad?

As I sit here and stress out over the fact that my 'step' sons birthday is in the beginning of December and then we have Christmas right after that. J nor I get the kids on Christmas this year, but we are doing our "Christmas" on Christmas Eve morning. Not to mention Alexanders birthday is just around the corner in February and I'm supposed to have a baby cut out around that time...Also, Dylans birthday is just right after that. LUCKILY we get a break for 2 short months until the twins birthday, but J and I will be working full time again.................And.......Well.......... See the pattern here? I'm thinking about MONTHS in advance because I'm freaking out about Christmas!

I just need to breath, really, because everyone says Christmas is about Jesus' birth and family togetherness not gifts. But let's face it, everyone probably panics around this time because everyone wants their kids to have the 'best Christmas ever' every.single.year.  Also, no matter how much I try not to "over do" it I'm always going to "over do" it because we have so many children.

I have a plan. Even though my husband is probably the least religious person ever, I still plan on sharing what these holidays to come are about. I just need to not forget myself while we're opening our pocket books to fork out some hefty cash...

Or plan B.

Here is a box, string and a bouncy ball.... You figure it out...Happy Holidays!

ugggghhhh

Since Thursday we have been struck with the flu in our house. Having as many people as we do in our family and 1 little bathroom, it's been pretty interesting. Today we are all still using the bathroom pretty frequently but the puking has subsided for the most part. Aiden vomited a little bit this morning but he has been fine ever since.

I've been trying to 409 everything in the midst of all the nasty & trying to make sure the kids use germ x as much as possible. I know my hands are seriously dried out from it...I can't wait for this to end.

I have so much more to write and so much more on my mind but I don't want to sit up longer than I have to....All I have to say to end this is, I'm so dissappointed in the lack of interest from either non custodial parents on how the kids are doing. That's all. 

Send some get better dust our way please :)

Do not conform!

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."-John Lennon



Totally on a roll today with my thoughts & I didn't expect to think this much and want to write this much. 

Today while we were out getting a few last minute things before tomorrow and some lunch I look at all of the people around me. There are some people that are truly just weird, there are so many people that are just the same.

I live in Knoxville, Illinois. The land of snobby Mothers and their cliques. It's like high school all over again, it seems, with some of these women. I realize that it's not just in Knoxville, but it is so much worse here that it is say in Galesburg. I always had friends in my short life at school, I was friends with everyone. Very rarely did I not like anyone-they usually just didn't like me because I wasn't going to conform to their cookie cutter persona. But here I simply can not make friends with almost any of these women. You walk up to the school to pick up your child and you have your group of what I like to call the "plastic Moms of Kville." I really feel like they are pretty much critiquing everything you have on, every word you say within their ear shot, anything really.

I like my t-shirts and my dyed hair, I give my kids kool-aid (haha, that was a huge deal the other day I realized with some of the Moms for the Halloween parties...Which doesn't make sense to me..Halloween is supposed to be about the sugar!) I wont conform to what the "perfect" mom is...Lets face it, no matter how much one tries to say that they never scream, never get pissed off, never give their kids sugar and their homes are always in tip top shape!............ Probably is a robot. 

Of course I'm only kidding, I think. 

I'm always going to be that Mom that wants her kids to do extra curricular activities (see previous blogs for reference) I'm always going to be involved in school life, what they are doing, how they are doing, so on and so forth...But I will not conform. I am fine being that outcast. I don't have to lie to myself everyday and pretend that I am perfect or even that they are perfect....I like the way I am...Just wish you did too!

....and then it just hit me.

For the past few days I've been really upset and trying to think of different ways to deal with a certain someone in our house. He's 3 (almost four), big brown eyes......Well, Joseph. I came to the conclusion awhile back ago that he hates me. He always wants the opposite of what I give him, he never listens anymore & he he pretty much just collapses whenever I tell him to do something that he doesn't want to. Like, seriously, collapse. He does it with others to but it's more dramatic with me. The other little kids some times do it as well, but it is NOT as dramatic. It is NOT as painful to watch and it is just not the same thing.

John and I think it's because *I* am the rule enforcer. I try to not let the kids get by with doing whatever they want whenever they want as much as possible. It's really hard because they all have strength in numbers and tend to pull me every which way. Alexander complains about this to me about Miley and Miley complains about Joey and Aiden complains about whatever Miley is complaining about and Joey is crying about I don't know because he is having his "fit" and Dylan...Well Dylan just kinds of sits back and watching it all go down, haha.

I have to be the rule enforcer. I can't just let them run the house. I can't just let Joey do whatever he wants because he is screaming the loudest and I want him to stop....I feel like I'm losing my mind!

But! This morning while thinking about birthday party plans for Joey & other things about the kids...It just hit me.Joey isn't a spoiled brat who hates me and will always hate me for eternity....He is strong-willed! But then I thought to myself, there is probably a fine line between strong-willed and just your average brat. So, I did some reading to try to figure out some things.

Strong-willed children don't usually roll with the punches. They tend to react to situations and environments intensely, exhibiting extrem signals of happiness and sadness when confronted with different circumstances and environments. (aka JOEY!)(http://www.livestrong.com/article/52565-characteristics-strongwilled-child/)

As I read onto this website and other websites I feel like I am reading a book about our guy Joey. An example was given about how they react when things change. I think he has suffered more this past year than anything. There have been good things that have happened but there has also been a lot of bad things happen. I was a part of both restraining orders against John. Before he and I got together I witnessed Joseph cry everyday constantly for his Dad. After J and I got together, I did not get to witness how he acted but I could only imagine because he was more verbal after I moved in and not to mention he was never the same when he came back. He's more sensitive, he NEVER wants J to leave without him and there are other things as well. He acts out in ways that have characteristics of a traumatized strong-willed child!


So now the question is, being the "enforcer" that I am...How do I deal with this? I read this website and it helped a lot.  http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Parenting-the-Strong-Willed-Child-and-Keeping-the-Upper-Hand/12202


I have read and heard and wrote about consistency, consistency, consistency with the children. I have caved with the kids..."If I give you this fruit snack with you please just shut up..." But seriously, especially with Joe, I have found it's SO important to give him the same things I try to now. I can't give up, I can't let things get to me, I have to keep going & even though it's particularly harder to deal with him when he is bad....I read that he probably will be the more successful one out of all of them because he is so strong-willed. Not to say that none of our children will be successful in life...But if I continue my work with him he will eventually strive and not only do *I* need to work with him on being consistent and not just giving him what he wants. J does too, family member do too..I need help! Things will get better...and I have to keep going...because I love him so much. It kills me when we have our spats. So onward I go............