Yesterday after picking up the children from school, on our way home Joe says to me "I have a surprise for you and you are going to LOVE IT!"
When we got home I didn't know what to expect because my guy Joe tends to have surprises that are slimey, scratchy or stinky. We all got setteled in and he shows me this book about spiders. I read this book and the drawings and colors and I say to him "Job well done! But did you cut this book out yourself?" as I hold the book up in the air to examin it, he says to me, "yes! and that is the surprise, I knew you would LOVE how I cut this book, and you can have it."
To most it would just be some paper that the kids cut out at school and learned about spiders. But for me it was a bonding moment with my step-son Joey. The words "step" always sends shivers down my spine. So for those who know me, a bonding moment with my son, Joey.
The reason why I feel this way is because he made it that morning at school and all day he had to have thought about how proud I would be of his careful cutting skills. The fact that he actually cares how much I am proud of him means that he loves me. The fact that I know for a fact that he loves me makes my heart well up and almost makes me feel like I could cry.
One may ask why after almost three years of caring for a boy every single day, that just now I am feeling this? The answer is: I am not just now feeling love. I get I love yous, photographs, presents, and other things from this boy. He is a loving boy. I know he loves his Father the most and no one can ever compare to him. I know that he also loves his Mother and I know that he loves me. But when you see this small boy of five that you have known all of his life show signs of maturity, to love AND care, and feel that feeling of accomplisment it makes you well up. It lets me know that he really truely thinks the world of me. Whatever anyone has ever said to him about his Father and I, none of that matters because not only does he care what we think of him he cares what we FEEL. To me that is the ultimate love. I am glad to have that relationship with him because the only other person he has ever shown that kind of care and love for his is Father, who everyone knows is Joey's world. Joey may not ever show that kind of care again, but I will always remember that moment on September 28th after school, where Joey age five wanted me to be proud of his accomplishment of cutting his book about spiders.
Now, onto my point of why I am writing.
A few days ago while at work, I believe I was changing Gavins diaper, an Amber Alert interuppted the TV program Grandma B was watching. They were warning everyone that a 3 week old baby girl had been kidnapped out of Toulon, which is not very far from where I work or reside. The thought of this little baby being kidnapped made my heart drop and my stomach hurt. I told my Mother in Law that I prayed to God that this infant would have been stolen by someone who would take care of her, not harm her, as odd as that may sound to some of you.
The overwheleming amount of facebook amber alert posts started and I believe that everyone all over was looking, waiting, hoping, that this infant girl Mia was okay.
As the story unravled it was found that a woman in Yellow sweatpants was parked next to the girl who was at the post office with two of her children. My first thought is, why would you not take your children into the post office? Surely it would have only taken a minute? Some say that maybe she ran inside because it was too cold to take the children out a lot. Then you shouldn't have taken your child at all. Why would one take a newborn but not a 10 month old? She then couldn't provide what the woman looked like, just what kind of pants she had on and what color her car was and what was in the back seat of the car.
Fast forwarding to later on it had been said the Mother had been arrested. I was glad because I felt that no trip to the post office was that important to knowingly leave your children in the car. The difference between the parents who forgot and the parents who know is the fact that the parents who know are knowingly putting their children in danger and the parents who honestly had forgotten they wouldn't have ever ever ever wanted or think about leaving their children in the car. Even though they did.
Anyway, later on I had this feeling that this girl since having gotten pregnant so quickly after having one child I felt that she possibly could have had post partum depression. Not that I found that should be used as an excuse to get out of prison but I felt that it is an EXCUSE to recieve HELP.
A lot of people talk a lot of smack about what they would or wouldn't do. A lot of people say that they should stick her in the chair and fry her. A lot of people are just so quick to want to take the life of someone, which is sick actually if you think about it. Those are the people you should watch out for.
So,The infant was found in a ditch in the country. The fact that she was found was actually a huge relief off of my shoulders and the fact that her mother did it made me feel some kind of relief as morbid as that may sound, because I was thinking of this crazy woman in ugly sweat pants snatching babies to live with her and her other twelve children in the woods of Illinois!!!
When you have post partum depression you are simply crazy. You know you are crazy and so many women do not go get help for it because everyone is always so close to point the finger and tell them that they are nuts and shouldn't have children. But the fact of the matter is: She didn't ditch both of her children. which leads me to believe this baby could be colicky? Maybe she just couldn't handle it. The small part of me believes that she loved her child. She did not kill her and and she left her in the country only to know that the farmers are picking. Someone would have found her. I think this was her cry for help, but in the wrong way. PPD makes you do awful things, again, not an excuse to stay ouf of prison.
What would you do? What wouldn't you do? None of you know. You can say you know, but you really do not know. Pray to God you will never know what it feels like to be that low, to be that sick, to have thousands of people hate you because of what you have done.